Growing older, but not gonna grow-up!
Well, a milestone in mylife is happeing tomorrow. I am turning 45.
While that may seem young to some, it is old to others.
For me, I don't feel old at all, I play paintball, watch cartoons and am still very active.
The challenge I have is that this may be the back-side of my life, over the hill and starting back up the next one. I was born again in 1981, rather late in my life as I just turned 20. I felt a calling on my life, almost immediately, though I was never told or taught what that meant.
I began my Christian walk in an evangelical church, and then moved to Baptist, after a short stay there, I found a local independant pentecostal church and discovered that the Holy Spirit activity was not "of the devil" and that it was for me!
Still searching for more, and a closer relationship with God, I moved to another church, again another local independant church. The pastor was ex-Church of God. I had found a church "home".
Attending Bible College and taking online classes and secular college at a local university, I began a long process of learning more about Jesus and my faith.
A couple decades, and several degrees later, I still had nobody that could help me in the ministry. I did have one Koine professor that encouraged me to be a teacher myself. But that was it. I felt a calling, but becuase I had been expsed to so many ministries in my life, it seemed that every one of these folks had a certain point in their life (usually, when they were younger), when God "called" them and they became "ministers", pastors, evangelists teachers, etc.
I hadn't had any kind of "calling", only a "feeling" that I didn't know how to express. No mentor, no guide. by now (about 20 years "in the ministry"), I had held just about every position in a local church except praise/choir leader and pastor.
I had seen people ("in the ministry") come and seen them go. many would come in wanting to be in the "limelight" and hold a pulpit position, only to fall away and even "backslide" in some time of personal strugle or challenge. Most of those issues, I had been through myself and just didn't understand how it would cause someone to lose their faith.
Since our church had merged with the local COGOP ( a few years ago, and my COGOP membership not quite a year old now), I had a new pastor (of the COGOP) that "took me under his wing" and actually been mentoring me in the ministry! no more trying to figure it out on my own and guessing. Finaly someone that understood what I have been feeling and helped me to understand that this was God's calling on my life.
The challenge is that had really only happened in the last few years. So now, here I am late in life, wondering what could have been and feeling like I "missed it" all those years. What affect have I made on this world, or at least my sphere of influence?
If what I do, makes me what I am, then I don't feel like I have done anything.
That pastor had taken another pastor position in the region a few months back and I have been missing him, his friendship (I had never had anything like that before), fellowship, and his mentoring. Then I got a call from him yesterday.
I have no reason to feel dissapointed. I am being effective in area's I don't necessarily realize. The CPPA, is a ministry that though I am not as active in as I would like, I did found and organize, and now there are several thousand members - All who love Jesus. an accomplishment in itself.
The call from my friend was very helpfull for me, as I didn't seem to realize just how much influence i had in various areas in the local church (and other local churches), the region, and even at a COGOP national level - whether or not I am a "liscensed" minister for the church.
So, hapy birthday to me. :) I pray that whatever I do and am, continues to lift up Christ whether I am recognized or not. No matter how much I want to make a mark, doing what I can to help others recieve Him, is my goal - "mark" or not. Christ is central in my life, and First priority in who I am.
I am truly blessed.
While that may seem young to some, it is old to others.
For me, I don't feel old at all, I play paintball, watch cartoons and am still very active.
The challenge I have is that this may be the back-side of my life, over the hill and starting back up the next one. I was born again in 1981, rather late in my life as I just turned 20. I felt a calling on my life, almost immediately, though I was never told or taught what that meant.
I began my Christian walk in an evangelical church, and then moved to Baptist, after a short stay there, I found a local independant pentecostal church and discovered that the Holy Spirit activity was not "of the devil" and that it was for me!
Still searching for more, and a closer relationship with God, I moved to another church, again another local independant church. The pastor was ex-Church of God. I had found a church "home".
Attending Bible College and taking online classes and secular college at a local university, I began a long process of learning more about Jesus and my faith.
A couple decades, and several degrees later, I still had nobody that could help me in the ministry. I did have one Koine professor that encouraged me to be a teacher myself. But that was it. I felt a calling, but becuase I had been expsed to so many ministries in my life, it seemed that every one of these folks had a certain point in their life (usually, when they were younger), when God "called" them and they became "ministers", pastors, evangelists teachers, etc.
I hadn't had any kind of "calling", only a "feeling" that I didn't know how to express. No mentor, no guide. by now (about 20 years "in the ministry"), I had held just about every position in a local church except praise/choir leader and pastor.
I had seen people ("in the ministry") come and seen them go. many would come in wanting to be in the "limelight" and hold a pulpit position, only to fall away and even "backslide" in some time of personal strugle or challenge. Most of those issues, I had been through myself and just didn't understand how it would cause someone to lose their faith.
Since our church had merged with the local COGOP ( a few years ago, and my COGOP membership not quite a year old now), I had a new pastor (of the COGOP) that "took me under his wing" and actually been mentoring me in the ministry! no more trying to figure it out on my own and guessing. Finaly someone that understood what I have been feeling and helped me to understand that this was God's calling on my life.
The challenge is that had really only happened in the last few years. So now, here I am late in life, wondering what could have been and feeling like I "missed it" all those years. What affect have I made on this world, or at least my sphere of influence?
If what I do, makes me what I am, then I don't feel like I have done anything.
That pastor had taken another pastor position in the region a few months back and I have been missing him, his friendship (I had never had anything like that before), fellowship, and his mentoring. Then I got a call from him yesterday.
I have no reason to feel dissapointed. I am being effective in area's I don't necessarily realize. The CPPA, is a ministry that though I am not as active in as I would like, I did found and organize, and now there are several thousand members - All who love Jesus. an accomplishment in itself.
The call from my friend was very helpfull for me, as I didn't seem to realize just how much influence i had in various areas in the local church (and other local churches), the region, and even at a COGOP national level - whether or not I am a "liscensed" minister for the church.
So, hapy birthday to me. :) I pray that whatever I do and am, continues to lift up Christ whether I am recognized or not. No matter how much I want to make a mark, doing what I can to help others recieve Him, is my goal - "mark" or not. Christ is central in my life, and First priority in who I am.
I am truly blessed.
posted by RamboPreacher | 7:45 AM
2 Comments:
Happy birthday!
In my experience, spending too much time pondering over what "might have been" serves little more purpose than sucking away time and energy that could be better spent developing what is and what still can be. Besides, I strongly believe that all of our past experiences and choices all contribute to making us who we are today. If things had been different, you may have become a totally different person. Who knows, maybe I would've hated that person's guts. ;)
Again, happy birthday!
Thanks. I tried not to whine too much, but hay - it's my blog and i'll cry if I want to - heheheehheee Anyway, I knew that, and have come to a more peacefull conclusion in the might-have-been's area - just keep on keeping on.
As with the Israelites in the wilderness, when tehy first left their "chains of bondage", Gods grace was abundantly clear and battled for them. Later in teh wilderness as tehy began to mature and grow out of their slave-paradigm mind-set, They battled their enemies themselves. We can onlyhave victories when we go through the battle.
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